Good evening! And today I will be live-sneering the Apple Event.

(Reminder: pretty sure I've won my saving throw vs. Shiny! against everything they're going to announce today except the Airpods Pro 3.)

And they're showing a montage of, well, too many things to keep up with by typing? (The perils of being a teradollar market cap corporation with a third of a million people.)

And here's Tim Apple.

Tim is talking up the Apple Glass user interface, which is a sure sign that it's bullshit they're subliminally nervous about.

AirPods first: AirPods Pro 3 look similar to 2 but aren't; subtle design changes. They're adding foam tips (I already use third party foam tips) and better noise cancelation. Adding live translation via Apple Intelligence and "can display your words in their language". Real time audio translation between two people both using Airpods Pro 3. IP57 damp resistance.

(OK, I'll be going for this. But I already knew that.)

Airpods Pro 3 also do heart rate sensing (pitched as a workout/activity tracker). Track workouts without an Apple Watch.

(Skipping the Workouts bullshit because I am teh oldz.)

Airpods Pro 3 also have better battery life—8 hours with noise cancelation, 10 hours in hearing aid mode with transparency.

Now: the Apple Watch 11/Ultra 3.

Video promo is basically tear-jerker marketing "my Apple Watch saved my life". DO YOU FEEL SAFE WITHOUT IT, SUCKER? DO YOU FEEL SAFE? (Exeunt angry goose, squawking.)

Watch 11 cellular has 5G (inc. some UK cellcos). New watch faces, tougher glass, thinner case. Adds undiagnosed hypertension detection (NOT instant blood pressure readings), regulatory approval pending.

Sleep apnoea detection and quality of sleep scoring.

(I have a Watch Ultra 2, planning on not upgrading for a few years.)

24 hour battery life means Watch 11 is closer to the Ultra in terms of duration, though.

Watch SE 3 is catching up with Watch 10; cheaper option. Can also play music/podcasts direct through the speaker, adding a fresh new hell for frequent commuters to experience!

(Charges faster too.)

@cstross I do not understand these fancy watches that need charging every night - would drive me mad! Keeping my Pebble Time with its 8 day charge, thanks.

@TomF @cstross what happened to the good old watches that got their charge simply from the wrist motion of day-to-day activities?

@oblomov @TomF @cstross The mechanism had to make space for electronics which doesn't do anything useful but is advertised as "you can't live without".

[I am wearing one of these good old watches, never had to charge it...]

@Uilebheist @oblomov @cstross
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Automatic_quartz
I have no idea if this provides enough power for a smart watch though.