Next time a metalhead says “metal is basically classical music,” I’ll summon Robert Johnson’s ghost.

He’ll follow them everywhere—front row at their shows, booing during guitar solos, yelling “PLAY SOMETHIN’ WITH SOUL, YOU BACH-LOOKIN’ FOOL!”

Every time they open their mouth to compare Symphony No. 5 to Slayer, he’ll start tuning his spectral guitar louder and louder until the lights flicker and the PA system bursts into twelve-bar blues.