"if it was important to you, you would remember"

i wish.

anyone else who replies that i have no excuse to be late or miss appointments and that they do agree with the above quoted statement will be blocked. i posted this when i was feeling very upset and vulnerable and like everybody is always going to think i'm a piece of shit. go away

yes i have heard of calendar reminders, actually. you think i haven't tried everything?

every single day and every single thing i have to remember is a struggle. i am trying really hard and am still like this. and no matter how hard i try, somebody is going to take my struggles personally and be mad

if you think that people with adhd and brain fog are "just making excuses" you have never seen how many fucking planners and calendars and systems i have gone through over my lifetime. adhd meds do not fix everything and some people like me are unable to take them for various reasons and are trying their best while unmedicated. and nobody has any compassion or patience for us. replies like that indicate a person who thinks people with issues with time and memory are not trying. we are trying, susan!

"Huh, why do people with ADHD always feel like they're in trouble? That's weird"

*waves hands*

"just set a reminder"

Example:
I have an important appointment. I set three alarms on two different clocks to make sure I get out of bed on time. I get ready and I have a warning reminder an hour before I have to leave, another one a few minutes before I have to leave, and a third one when I have to leave.

I am getting ready. I am almost completely ready. Then I realize I've forgotten an important piece of paperwork or step in my routine.

I *swore* I was ready. I swore I had everything.

I go find it. The third reminder goes off.

Suddenly I realize my bus pass is not in my wallet. I swore it was in there. Where is it???? Why didn't I look for it yesterday?

I find the bus pass. I bolt out the door. I had set the reminders to be on time for an earlier bus than necessary so that I wouldn't be late. I am running down the street but my arthritis can only carry me so fast. I have missed the first bus. Most recently I arrived *just* in time for the second bus but sometimes I also will have missed the second bus.

And then I feel like a piece of shit because I can't be on time. I try so hard and I can't be on time. Why didn't I just get everything ready the night before? I thought I had done that. And yet... So I beat myself up with words other people have thrown at me my entire life. I feel even lower.

Questioner: Do you think these words are helping????

This is the kind of constant effort that you do not see.

i am 37 years old.

do you think that it is likely that it has never occurred to me to set a reminder?

that i have just been waiting for you to come along and make this suggestion?

well it must be so easy.

"i can't believe they don't just set a reminder. i would simply --"

you simply have a different experience of the world than i do. this is why one thing that can be easy for one person can be incredibly difficult for another.

happy disability pride month