My wife attempted to introduce me to Practical Magic today, and, I mean, yeah, it scans that straight women weren't okay in the '90s, but wow.

You've got Sandra Bullock who is widowed with two wonderful children living with her extended family in a lovely house and all she is doing is being sad that she doesn't have anyone in her life. Like, girl, maybe pay attention to your kids?

And you've got Nicole Kidman who is just Making Bad Choices but hey that's understandable; I did it too.

So these two incredibly stupid people poison Kidman's abusive boyfriend's booze a little too hard while he's holding them hostage and he dies.

Put yourself in this situation: you're two witches with incredible power. You've got a (probably undocumented) foreigner who died after drinking _at least_ an entire bottle of hard liquor. What do you do?

Do you:
(a) Dispose of the body using magic - or ask your aunts (who almost certainly have five ways to do it) to help you?

(b) Take him to the nearest hospital as two incredibly attractive, distraught white women, and tell them "he was drinking and he just passed out!" knowing that they won't do a tox screen for the weird shit you gave him and even if they did they can't pin it on you?

(c) Bring him back from the dead and spend the rest of the movie dealing with Evil Zombie Abusive Ex?

This was the point I could not go on because it was obvious they were gonna do (c) because these two are complete fucking dipshits.

I just wanted a cozy movie about sisters trying to raise their magical kids and deal with their aunties' meddling.

But watching the movie got me thinking about all of the fantasy stories we had in the '90s, and how a lot of them were about (ostensibly) straight women with magical powers and that got me thinking about my straight friends from the '90s and it all kinda made sense.

You can feel superior to these two dingbats, but also identify with them and wish you had their ability to have the kind of power they have to solve your problems (with men or otherwise).

This was the point I could not go on because it was obvious they were gonna do (c) because these two are complete fucking dipshits.

I just wanted a cozy movie about sisters trying to raise their magical kids and deal with their aunties' meddling.

@tess yup. it’s amazing how big of a sellout were white Gen Xers and some of their Black peers when you look at the movies produced (and are still being produced) with our Hollywood cohorts. it’s very icky. it’s why i have very little political affinity with the people of my generation. the yuppie and buppie scum won.